💪Self-confidence is not what you think it is: 5 revelations !
To be honest, I was far from being a confident person in life… quite the opposite!
I always felt an inferiority complex by feeling like I was behind everyone else. I was so out of step that I spent my life wondering “what the hell is wrong with me?”
My shyness and atypical side were big handicaps in childhood and adolescence, which led to me being bullied at one point in my life after becoming fat.
I was even nicknamed “Zagaya” which is a crab in Carribbean that hides in its hole all the time because it is afraid!
Today I do a job that just seemed impossible with my personality: giving conferences, exposing myself, managing teams, training groups of people…
It took me years to develop my confidence. I’m not hiding it, you can have fun watching my visible evolution since I’ve been creating content (especially my old videos), the confidence was far from being acquired!
And believe me, even in the last few years and still today, I sometimes doubt and question my legitimacy despite all the successes and proofs that I am up to it… Not to mention the need to be persistent in entrepreneurship, at a time of uncertainty when everything is questioned every year.
Moreover, a new factor has come into play in recent years: exposure to criticism (sometimes virulent and, in some cases, unjustified). This requires, as they say, an unfailing confidence.
Here’s what I’ve learned in the last 15 years about self-confidence:
1- Confidence is an illusion
Self-confidence is not related to our ability to succeed in a field, a context or a discipline, it is related to our belief in this ability to succeed.
Confidence is a belief, a state, a feeling… a perception of your abilities. Like any perception, it changes and is biased.
If you think that you are no longer up to the task or that you have lost your talents (which were there before) because you have experienced a series of failures: this is an illusion, which if repeated, becomes a belief.
This belief becomes limiting when your perception is centered on doubt, fear, devaluation until it becomes your reality.
Besides, what did the lack of confidence cost you? What did you not dare to do? How much time did you waste?
This belief is a carrier and a catalyst when your perception is focused on progression, opportunity, improvement and certainty.
What would you do and how would you behave if you were confident?
Change these beliefs, you change your states and therefore your way of acting!
2- Self-confidence is a muscle
Your level of confidence will vary, depending on the context, the discipline, the moment, etc.
Like any muscle, if you don’t train it, it will atrophy.
Confidence is not innate, it is a skill that can be learned and worked on.
At work, in sports, in relationships… We don’t perform the same way depending on our level of confidence. The good news is that we can understand how it works and boost this confidence.
I’ve worked a lot on this in martial arts, sports, speaking, sales etc. I give you my secrets in the new program.
Just understand that everyone has ups and downs in their confidence level, the trick is not to make it a global state that makes you enter resignation and paralysis.
3- You can reinvent yourself and rewrite your story
As I told you, your confidence level is built with your perception. Regaining your confidence starts with changing your perception of your journey, your failures, your achievements, your strengths, your weaknesses.
It also requires changing your way of thinking (especially if you tend to let the little voice in your head ruminate towards the negative) towards a healthier vision of your success and value.
Already, understand that you are already complete, get out of that feeling of lack (believing that you are always missing something). Your potential is just waiting to be expressed by developing your skills, using your strengths and expressing who you really are.
Most of my groundwork and transformation over the past few years has been done on my way of thinking, perceiving myself and the world.
When you break your beliefs, you break your limits!
4- Self-confidence is not linked to your successes… That’s not enough!
Many profiles prone to impostor syndrome tend to minimize their successes and even attribute it to luck… Especially the perfectionists who consider that it is never enough!
It is thought that it is failure that lowers confidence, in some cases yes… But it turns out that even when you succeed, you can lose confidence.
It’s a question of perception about your abilities, so you can succeed or fail at one moment and still doubt your ability to succeed the next time…
So looking only for victories to get your confidence back is not enough, you have to know how to stay confident even in failures and doubts.
The small consecutive victories reassure on the short term, the concern is that we send the signal to the brain that if the opposite happens: the small consecutive failures, it will prove that we are “finito”!
That’s why the previous point is crucial, if you rewrite your story, you bet on your abilities and what you control, not just your results (which you don’t totally control).
Confidence must be based on things both deeper and higher than your external results.
This is why…
5- Confidence is built in movement
If you wait until you are confident to act, you will never act.
Already, when you are in motion, you have less time to brood and ask yourself useless questions…
Introspection and reflection are good… But after a while you have to stop digging and let your thoughts take too much control!
Act with confidence, until the state of confidence arrives.
This can be worked on, learned and cultivated. Alas, it is not taught regularly or sometimes in a too superficial way…
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